Wer kann gut Englisch?

[eddingo]

Morgen muss ich meine Facharbeit in Englisch abgeben, jetzt suche ich jemanden, der die einmal Probe lesen könnte und Fehler anstreichen/korrigieren könnte :). Das von mir verwendete Englisch ist 12. Klasse Schulenglisch, für Leute die gut Englisch sprechen, sollte es kein Problem sein.

Wegen der Textlänge braucht ihr euch keine Sorgen zu machen, es sind nur acht Seiten.

[Kampf Ameise]

poste es halt dann ist es open gesourced und jeder fehler wird entdeckt, nachdem wir fertig sind, editierst du dienen beitrag wieder somit hat der lehrer dann keine beweise mehr X-D

[eddingo]

Das werde ich eventuell auch machen :).

Meiner Lehrerin ist das aber egal, sie hat extra gesagt, dass es besser wäre, wenn das jemand Probe lesen würde, der gut Englisch kann :).

[The Heel]

.

[EureDudeheit]

Original geschrieben von The Heel
.

habs nur mal schnell überflogen, vom grammatikalischen sollte es so stimmen hoffe ich

[astro]

Original geschrieben von eddingo
Wegen der Textlänge braucht ihr euch keine Sorgen zu machen, es sind nur acht Seiten.

Hua, nur acht Seiten ??? Ich musste noch mindestens 14 schreiben :(

[Amarok]

kleiner Tipp: s-Fehler.....

[eddingo]

Hier seht ihr die noch nicht überarbeitete Version.

Ein weiterer "Korrigierer" hat mich schon aufgeklärt, dass ich einige Fehler habe, besonders im Ausdruck.

Am besten wäre es, wenn jemand mir eine im Ausdruck verbesserte Version als Word Dokument schicken könnte :).

[Amarok]

Unter wessen Namen gibst du dann die Arbeit ab?

[Gast]

Ich schreibe Korreckturen mal in Großbuchstaben und klammere das Original ein, also bitte nicht wundern ;).Bin auch nicht perfekt in Englisch (12. Klasse Lk, aber ich schaue es mir mal an.


Description of the characters in “The Joy Luck Club“

Jing-mei Woo

Jing-mei Woo IS the daughter of Suyuan Woo, who dies at the beginning of the book, realizes that she does not really know much (of) ABOUT her mother. The first time Jing-mei always thinks her mother had a great life in China. Although Suyuan Woo was wealthy and seemed to have an excellent life in China, Jing-mei realizes that her mother had to suffer a lot when she (leaved) LEFT China. She did not only have to leave her wealth, but furthermore her two little children.

As a young child her mother wants Jing-mei to be a “Chinese Shirley Temple”¹, who was a child star in 1930s films. Her mother always wants her daughter to be an extraordinary child with special talents. For the first time she appreciates that her mother supports her, (in addition) [ADDITIONALLY, kommt aber schon weiter unten vor] she is really filled with a sense that she would become perfect. To improve the abilities of her daughter Suyuan Woo does tests [to do tests klingt komisch] with Jing-mei every night. Additionally her mother tells her about other remarkable children. By the time Jing-mei begins to get bored[,] when she has to do the tests, she finds out that she is not a genius. An old piano teacher, called Mr. Chong, who lives with them in an apartment building, gives Jing-mei piano lessons taking advantage of that Mr. Chong cannot hear very well, Jing-mei does not try hard to play the right notes. Therefore she does not really learn to play the piano.

When Jing-mei is a grown person(,) her mother wants to make it up with her daughter so she offers her the old piano she had to play on when she was a child. In (that) THE moment(,) when Suyuan gives Jing-mei the piano, she comments that her daughter would have natural talent and that she could have been a genius if she tried hard enough, but Jing-mei does not believe that her mother would be right.

Already when Jing-mei was a child she competed with Waverly Jong, the daughter of her mother’s friend Lindo Jong. Waverly was “Chinatown’s Littlest Chinese Chess Champion”, but Jing-mei thought in a way that she was only a girl who cannot play the piano, not a genius like Waverly.

During a crab[-]dinner Waverly and Jing-mei sit as grown-ups together (on) AT [wer sitzt schon AUF dem Tisch sagte mein Englischlehrer](a) ONE table, trying to humiliate Jing-mei Waverly mentions that Jing-mei would be unsophisticated.
After this humiliation Suyuan wants to encourage her daughter. She gives her a jade necklace; she calls it “her life’s importance”. Hand(l)ing [?] this out to her daughter she shows Jing-mei, that although she may be is not sophisticated, she is worth a lot more tha(t)N what some other people think of her.
Moreover the necklace was a part of Suyuan; consequently her daughter is always to think of her mother when she wears it.
The intention of her mother by giving the jade necklace to Jing-mei was to stress that from outside her lifestyle seems not be out of the best quality, but inside she would be worth a lot that her character gives her her worth.



An-mei Hsu

An-mei Hsu raises the Chinese way, taught to desire nothing, to swallow other people’s misery and to eat her own bitterness.
By raising her daughter Rose An-mei prefers the American way of raising children, but her daughter’s behaviour was exactly like her, Rose is passive and unassertive. The reason for this can be (find)FOUND in the traditional Chinese (believing)BELIEVE, according to (these)WHICH mothers and daughters are part of each other. An-mei realizes this fact, because of her own mother who was like her, too.

When An-mei was a child her mother (tells)TOLD her that it would be useless to cry about (anything)SOMETHING, her tears would only feed someone else’s joy. An-mei was taught to hide her feelings and her pain(,) as her mother hid her own suffering (that is why)SO THAT An-mei should become passive and unprotesting. Nevertheless her mother tried to give An-mei a stronger spirit by destroying her own one, she killed herself two days before the lunar New Year. She could not accept [vielleicht auch "not stand"?] being no more than the third wife of her husband Wu Tsing.
On the day of her mother’s death An-mei became strong, she “learned to shout” (s. 237, 35)(,)[WHEN] she crushed a fake pearl necklace given to her by the second wife of Wu Tsing. The days previous to THIS(,) she did not want to believe that this necklace was a fake, as it was told to her by her mother.

As already mentioned An-mei wants her daughter to have a strong spirit, but without success, instead of listening to her mother Rose feeds someone else’s joy, she goes to a psychiatrist.
(Still) she finally becomes strong by listening to her mother.




Lindo Jong

Being unusual in traditional Chinese culture, Lindo Jong has a mind of her own, it seems she would not be strong-willed, but in fact she uses cunning to get her own way.
At the age of twelve Lindo was forced to marry a son of a rich family. During the years of her marriage she almost lost her strong will. Being oppressed by her husband Huang Taitai she became little more than a servant who was content to please her husband. But inside, her spirit was strong, so she used her cunning again by devising an ingenious plan to force her husband to release her from the marriage,
At her wedding she promises herself not to forget who she really was, although she came very close, she never did.

When she comes to America she is able to see the true significance of things covered up with nice-looking facades, she realizes that THERE ARE SOME THINGS IN AMERICA THAT ARE NOT SO GOOD no matter how many people try to hide specific things(, there are some things in America that are not so good). By the time she fears that her descendant would not have those abilities that is why she criticises her daughter, she wants to show her that she also should begin to criticize the things. Wanting her sons to lead joyful lives she names her sons Winston (“wins ton”) and Vincent (“win cent). Nevertheless her daughter is named Waverly, after the street where they live. When Waverly grows up and leaves her home she should take a piece of her mother with her.




Ying-ying St. Clair

As Ying-ying was a child she was free from care, knew no pain or loss. Being the daughter of the first wife of a rich man she took her way of living for granted. One day, for example, she and her brother took a jade jar and played with it in the mud. Nevertheless one instance of her life showed her what suffering really means. At the age of four she fell ofF a boat (when)WHILE her family was celebrating the traditional Moon Festival on it. With the help of some fisherman she could escape (out) of the water. Afterwards she watched a Moon Lady re-enactment and could understand the suffering of the Moon Lady. This was the first time she knew what sympathy and pain (were)[Vielleicht "meant"]. “Even though she [I] did not understand her entire story, she [I] understood her grief (s. 76, 7-8). When her family found her, she knew her changement (“I never believed my family found the same girl” s. 77, 8-9).

A mystifying ability of Ying-ying is her gift to see things before (happening) THEY HAPPEN; she first discover(e)s her gift when she is able to foresee her marriage to a friend of her uncle. She does not know why she has to marry him, but she knows it is her fate to marry him.
By pleasing her husband with everything she does, she became a stranger to herself. When she finds out that her husband cheats on her, her love to her husband turns into hate and she aborts her first son. Realizing no future will be left she begins to live like a ghost, not caring about anything(,) she really loses herself.

When she meets her second husband for the first time she knows that she would marry him, although she did not really love(s)D her husband, St. Clair. This results in loosing her chi, her spirit and her will(,) AND no longer (carrying)CARING about anything.

(Since)THIS GOES ON UNTIL she becomes so indifferent she does not care that her daughter Lena grew up like an American child.


Waverly Jong

Waverly was taught by her mother an “invisible strength”. With her strength Waverly was able to win arguEments[das hieße sonst "Argumente gewinnen!] and to win respect from others. Furthermore it helps Waverly to improve her chess abilities which helpS her to invent chess strategies in order to win.

Since Waverly has been a little child, SHE AND her mother (and her) always had communication problems. When Waverly became a national chess champion her mother showed off with her. But by the time Waverly got sick of it, as she told her mother her attitude to this, her mother refused to speak with her. To make her mother angry, Waverly refused to play chess, but as she announced to her mother that she would start playing chess again, her mother outwitted her by refusing to let Waverly play. After some time her mother gave in, so Waverly could go on with her chess career. Starting chess again was too late, she could no longer win chess games[,] THIS IS A RESULT OF THE GAP THAT DEVELOPED(that are results from the fact that a gap developed) in the relationship of Waverly and her mother.

That is why Waverly has always seen her mother as her enemy who wants to ruin her life. For instance her mother criticizes her husband, but not because she hates Waverly’s husband(,) BUT BECAUSE (in fact) she only wants the best for Waverly, she wants to be closer to her(,) IN ORDER to know what is happening in Waverly’s life. For that reason her mother tries to bridge the gap between Waverly and her mother. The gap between them is at last bridged, when Waverly goes to her mother telling her to stop making her life miserable for. Both have a close talk and Waverly finally realizes what her mother really wanted, she wanted the best for Waverly.


Lena St. Clair

Lena St. Clair’s childhood was out of the order; she never could really communicate with her parents. Her mother could barely speak English and her father understood very little Chinese. Lena’s mother was more than a living ghost than a mother; she never really paid much attention to her daughter, nor really cared about her. Her mother told Lena the wildest stories to prevent Lena from doing bad things; as a result, Lena developed morbid imaginations. She could hear voices from the next door, those voices were screaming at each other. She had the wildest imaginations and thought about a mother killing her daughter. Nevertheless, her opinion changed when she tried to follow the conversation word by word. Mrs. Sorci, the neighbour, yelled “You stupida girl. You almost gave me a heart attack,” and Teresa, her daughter, yelled8, back) “I coulda been killed. I almost fell and broke my neck” Then they started to laugh and cry, “shouting with love”. Lena could imagine them hugging and kissing, sharing love Lena never knew from her own mother.

When Lena is a young woman she marries her husband Harold. Since they started dating they split the cost of everything, whatever one of them buys they share the costs [ZEIT! Hier muss Past Perfect hin, wenn alles in Past geschrieben ist]. Lena realizes that something is wrong with their marriage; one part of the problem is the cost-sharing issue. Harold does not know it, but Lena dislikes the idea of splitting the cost evenly, for the reason that love is about giving freely, not about determining who pays for what part of the costs. Both, Lena and Harold say they would be equal to each other, but in fact Lena is the inferior one in this marriage. Her husband earns seven times as much as Lena does. In their company Lena comes up with the good ideas, making their firm successful, though he gets most of the acknowledgement. Lena and Harold let other people know that they would be equal, but this equality is nothing more that her old house, renovated to look like a grand villa, an illusion.


Rose Hsu Jordan

Rose is a very indecisive person. Whenever her husband(, takes) gives her opportunity to make decisions she always tells him that he should decide. By the time becomes angry about Rose’s indecisiveness. Rose does not want to take responsibility for actions, because the last time she did, her brother died. The family was at the beach(,) AND Rose’s little brother(,) Bing(,) wanted to see his father fishing(,)[.] Rose who was responsible for watching him(,) AND let him go. No one noticed it(,) when Bing fell into the water. After this tragic accident every member was convinced that it was their own fault that this happened(,) but Rose knew it would be her fault(,) because she was the one who let her brother go to see his father. Taking responsibility from that moment on was a[N] gemeidete [??? avoided ?] issue.

Her mother diagnos(i)Es that Rose would listen to too many people. Sometimes she listened to her mother(;) nevertheless she prefers to listen to other people. Following her mothers advice, Rose “speaks up” by defying her husband Ted’s wish to divorce.

Wenn das Buch im Past Tense geschrieben ist, dann könntest/solltest du die Zusammenfassung auch in dieser Zeit schreiebn. Es sei denn, deine Lehrerin hat etwas anderes gesagt. So Sachen lesen sich im Präsens nicht so besonders gut.
Die Kommasetzung ist teilweise sehr "merkwürdig" vielleicht lässt du da noch mal jemand kompetentes drüberschauen. Englische Kommasetzung ist ziemlich kompliziert, hatte das auch noch nie in der Schule, vielleicht hat deine Lehrerin da auch nicht so den Plan ;). Aber ich denke, dass du die Kommas teilweise zu "deutsch" gesetzt hast. Bei Rose habe ich sie mal ausführlicher korrigiert...
Viel Glück noch bei der Facharbeit!

[eddingo]

Danke für die Hilfe und den Glückwunsch :).

In der Zwischenzeit habe ich jemanden gefunden, der Englisch auf Lehramt studiert hat, daher sollte meine Facharbeit wohl bald fast frei von Grammatik- und Rechtschreibfehlern sein :).

[The Heel]

@eddingo
kannst demjenigen ja auch mal meinen text geben und mir bescheid geben :)

vielen dank schon mal für die hilfe

[eddingo]

Werde ich morgen machen, wenn ich daran denke, im Moment bin ich etwas müde, bis halb sechs Uhr morgens habe ich an der Facharbeit gesessen, um halb sieben klingelte dann der Wecker :(.

Naja, ich musste dann gezwungendermaßen die ersten paar Schulstunden ausfallen lassen. Trotzdem bin ich immer noch müde und werde jetzt schlafen gehen :D.

[DDM_Reaper20]

Original geschrieben von The Heel
@eddingo
kannst demjenigen ja auch mal meinen text geben und mir bescheid geben :)

vielen dank schon mal für die hilfe

Ja, kann er. *g*

Einfach an sebastian.laubinger@web.de senden. Kommt dann in 1-2 Tagen zurück, je nach Einsendeuhrzeit & Fehlerstand.

Ist kostenlos . . .

MfG
DDM_Reaper20

[The Heel]

bist du eigentlich lehrer?

[DDM_Reaper20]

Original geschrieben von The Heel
bist du eigentlich lehrer?

Bald. Bin mit dem Studium fertig und bereite mich aufs Referendariat vor (Geschichte/Englisch).

MfG
DDM_Reaper20