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Gast
2004-12-20, 14:11:17
Sers,
nachdem hier ja (wie ich festgestellt hatte) fleisig korrigiert wird, brauch ich auch mal eure Hilfe (wird benotet):

Visit to a small planet: Act Four

Spelding: Is it a friend of yours, Mr. Kreton?
Kreton: No it isn´t.
John: What´s that for a logo on the left side of the spaceship?
Kreton shocked
Kreton: Ahh...that is...the logo from the USC.
Powers: From the USC? What´s that?
Kreton: That is the Universum Security Council. That gives trouble.
John: See! There are 3 people who get out of the spaceship.
Three people who look as Star Wars figures, take the way to the house in that Kreton is.
Kreton: Ohh dear. That´s not good.
Spelding: What´s wrong? Is that police or something?
Kreton: Yes! Thats a very bad sort of police.
Spelding: Ellen! John! Go into the cellar.
John&Ellen: Okay Dad.
5 minutes later, the persons from the USC arrived in Kretons room.
USC: Hello! What´s up here? Mr. Kreton?
Kreton: No..no...nothing. I will help that intelligent people here not to make wars.
USC: Is this correct Mr. Ähmm?
Powers: Powers! I ´m Mr. Powers.
USC: Ok. Is this correct Mr. Powers?
Kreton looks as a little dog to Mr. Powers.
Powers: No. That isn´t correct. This terrible alien would destroyed our fantastic planet.
Kreton: No. I wouldn´t do that. I would have fun not more.
USC: Mr. Kreton. That is already the second time that you make trouble in our Universum. And so I must arrest you in the name of the USC.
Kreton: Ohh no. That is not fair.
Powers: That is even very fair.
The mens from the USC arrest Kreton.
USC: Have Kreton make any other mistakes that are important for me?
Spelding: No. He hasn´t.
USC: Good. Then we can go.
The USC and Kreton leave the earth.
John: Cool. No he must go into prison.
Powers: That is really nice. Our planet is safe.
Spelding: Yes! And I have new stuff for my Tv-Show.
Powers: No way! That must be secret.
Spelding: Okay. That was only a little joke.
He laugh. And so the world hasn´t new wars for the next 50 years and the people were lucky and nobody have ever heard from Kreton or the USC.

The END

P2oldi
2004-12-20, 14:50:02
Ich nehme einfach mal an, Du möchtest ne Rechtschreibung / Grammatik haben, richtig? ;)
ich hab mal alle Änderungen / Verbesserungen / Vorschläge fett markiert.

hth,
Gruß P2


Visit to a small planet: Act Four

Spelding: Is it a friend of yours, Mr. Kreton?
Kreton: No it isn´t.
John: What´s that ... logo on the left side of the spaceship?
Kreton shocked
Kreton: Ahh...that is...the logo of the USC.
Powers: ... The USC? What´s that?
Kreton: That is the Universum Security Council. That gives trouble.
John: Look! There are 3 people getting out of the spaceship.
Three people who look like Star Wars figures, take the way to the house ... Kreton is in.
Kreton: Ohh dear. That´s not good.
Spelding: What´s wrong? Is that police or something?
Kreton: Yes! That's a very bad sort of police.
Spelding: Ellen! John! Go into the cellar.
John&Ellen: Okay Dad.
5 minutes later, the persons from the USC arrive in Kreton's room.
USC: Hello! What´s up here? Mr. Kreton?
Kreton: No..no...nothing. I am going to help the intelligent people here to avoid wars.
USC: Is this correct Mr. Ähmm?
Powers: Powers! I ´m Mr. Powers.
USC: Ok. Is this correct Mr. Powers?
Kreton looks like a little dog to Mr. Powers. wenn "Dackelblick" gemeint sein sollte, müßte auch makes puppy dog eyes at gehen
Powers: No. That 's not correct. This terrible alien would like to destroy / wants to destroy our fantastic planet.
Kreton: No. I wouldn´t do that. I wouldn't have fun any more.
USC: Mr. Kreton. This is already the second time that you are making trouble in our Universum. And therefore I have to arrest you in the name of the USC.
Kreton: Ohh no. That is not fair.
Powers: That is ... very fair indeed.
The men of the USC arrest Kreton.
USC: Has Kreton made any other mistakes that are important for me?
Spelding: No. He hasn´t.
USC: Good. Then we can go.
The USC and Kreton leave the earth.
John: Cool. Now he has to go into prison.
Powers: That is really nice. Our planet is safe.
Spelding: Yes! And I have new stuff for my Tv-Show.
Powers: No way! That has to be kept / has to staysecret.
Spelding: Okay. That was only a little joke.
He laughs. And so the world hasn´t new wars for the next 50 years and the people were lucky and nobody have ever heard from Kreton or the USC again.

The END

darph
2004-12-20, 14:56:10
Sers,
nachdem hier ja (wie ich festgestellt hatte) fleisig korrigiert wird, brauch ich auch mal eure Hilfe (wird benotet):

Visit to a small planet: Act Four

Spelding: Is this a friend of yours, Mr. Kreton?
Kreton: No he/she isn´t.
John: What´s that () logo on the left side of the spaceship?
Kreton shocked
Kreton: Ahh...that is...the logo of the USC.
Powers: Of the USC? What´s that?
Kreton: That is the Universum Security Council. That means trouble.
John: Look! There are 3 people () getting out of the spaceship.
Three people who look as Star Wars figures, take the way to the house in that Kreton is.
Kreton: Ohh dear. That´s not good.
Spelding: What´s wrong? Is that police or something?
Kreton: Yes! Thats a very bad sort of police.
Spelding: Ellen! John! Go into the cellar.
John&Ellen: Okay Dad.
5 minutes later, the persons from the USC arrived in Kretons room.
USC: Hello! What´s up here? Mr. Kreton?
Kreton: No..no...nothing. I will help that intelligent people here do not () make wars.
USC: Is this correct Mr. Ahmm?
Powers: Powers! I ´m Mr. Powers.
USC: Ok. Is this correct Mr. Powers?
Kreton looks like a little dog to Mr. Powers.
Powers: No. That isn´t correct. This terrible alien would destroy() our fantastic planet.
Kreton: No. I wouldn´t do that. I would not have fun anymore.
USC: Mr. Kreton. That is already the second time that you make trouble in our Universum. And so I must arrest you in the name of the USC.
Kreton: Ohh no. That is not fair.
Powers: That is even very fair.
The men() from the USC arrest Kreton.
USC: Has Kreton made any other mistakes that are important for me?
Spelding: No. He hasn´t.
USC: Good. Then we can go.
The USC and Kreton leave the earth.
John: Cool. No he must go into prison.
Powers: That is really nice. Our planet is safe.
Spelding: Yes! And I have new stuff for my Tv-Show.
Powers: No way! That must be a secret.
Spelding: Okay. That was just a little joke.
He laughs. And so the world () didn't have any new wars for the next 50 years and the people were lucky and nobody has ever heard again from Kreton or the USC.

The END

Also zunächst mal: Bitte keine Aktzente ´` (die neben dem Backspace), sondern für Apostrophe bitte auch Apostrophe verwenden: ' (Shift + #, bei der Enter Taste).

() bedeutet Auslassungen, wo ich was gelöscht habe.

Bei Stage Directions solltest du Präsens nehmen, keine Vergangenheit. Du baust das so auf, wie ein Theaterstück, aber Theater passieren immer wieder zum Zeitpunkt des Lesens/Spielens - also Präsens.

Darf man fragen, für welche Jahrgangsstufe das ist?

Gast
2004-12-20, 15:03:23
Ja...10 Klasse...

Danke für eure Hilfe :-)