-|NKA|- Bibo1
2003-02-18, 14:43:56
Ich hab gerade meine Einberufung in die Britsche Armee bekommen. Ich war recht schockiert, erst recht als ich den Text gelesen habe :
> > > NOTIFICATION OF COMPULSORY ENLISTMENT
> > >
> > >
> > > Under the Emergency Powers Act (1939) as amended by the Defence Act(1978),
> > > you are hereby notified that you are required to place yourself on standby
> > > for possible compulsory military service in the American Conflict. You may
> > > shortly be ordered to depart for the Middle East where you will join
> > > either
> > > the 3rd Battalion The Queen's Own Suicidal Conscripts or the 2nd Foot and
> > > Mouth. The regulars are too busy driving Green Goddesses to be there
> > > themselves.
> > >
> > >
> > > Due to the recent rundown of the Navy and the refusal of P&O to lend us
> > > any
> > > of their liners, because of the deplorable state in which they were
> > > returned after the Falklands adventure, it will be necessary for you to
> > > make your own way to the combat zone.
> > >
> > >
> > > H.M. Government have been able to negotiate a 20% discount on one way
> > > trips
> > > with Virgin Airlines and you are strongly urged to take advantage of this
> > > offer (Ryan Air also do a nice little £9.99 trip). Because of cutbacks in
> > > Government expenditure in recent years it will be necessary for you to
> > > provide yourself with the following equipment as soon as possible:
> > >
> > >
> > > * Combat Jacket
> > > * Trousers(preferably khaki - but please no denim)
> > > * Tin helmet
> > > * Boots (or a pair of sturdy trainers)
> > > * Gas mask
> > > * Map of the combat zone (the Ordinance Survey 1:2800 Outdoor Leisure
> > > Map
> > > of Iraq will do)
> > > * Rifle
> > > * Ammunition (preferably to suit previous item)
> > > * Suntan oil
> > >
> > >
> > > If you are in a position to afford it, we would like you to buy a tank
> > > (Vickers Defence of Banbury are currently offering all new conscripts a 0%
> > > finance deal on all X registration Chieftains, but hurry, as offer is only
> > > available whilst stocks last).
> > >
> > >
> > > We would like to reassure you that in the unlikely event of anything going
> > > wrong, you will receive a free burial in the graveyard of your choice,and
> > > your next of kin will be entitled to the new War Widows pension of £1.75
> > > per calendar month, index-linked but subject to means testing, and fully
> > > repayable should our side eventually lose.
> > >
> > >
> > > There may be little time for formal military training before your
> > > departure
> > > and so we advise that you hire videos of the following films and try and
> > > pick up a few tips as you watch:
> > >
> > >
> > > * The Guns of Navarone
> > > * Kelly's Heroes
> > > * A Bridge to Far
> > > * The Longest Day
> > > * Apocalypse Now
> > > * The Matrix
> > > * Blazing Saddles
> > > * The Desert Song
> > > * Mary Poppins
> > >
> > >
> > > We do not recommend that you watch Khartoum.
> > >
> > >
> > > To mentally prepare yourself for your mission try reading the works of
> > > Wilfred Owen or Rupert Brookes. This should give you some idea of what may
> > > be involved.
> > >
> > >
> > > Yours faithfully,
> > >
> > >
> > > G. Hoon, Ministry of Defence.
> > >
> > >
> > > A Bush-Blair Production
> > > Sponsored by Mars, The Official snack of World War III
Gruß
Bibo1 ;)
> > > NOTIFICATION OF COMPULSORY ENLISTMENT
> > >
> > >
> > > Under the Emergency Powers Act (1939) as amended by the Defence Act(1978),
> > > you are hereby notified that you are required to place yourself on standby
> > > for possible compulsory military service in the American Conflict. You may
> > > shortly be ordered to depart for the Middle East where you will join
> > > either
> > > the 3rd Battalion The Queen's Own Suicidal Conscripts or the 2nd Foot and
> > > Mouth. The regulars are too busy driving Green Goddesses to be there
> > > themselves.
> > >
> > >
> > > Due to the recent rundown of the Navy and the refusal of P&O to lend us
> > > any
> > > of their liners, because of the deplorable state in which they were
> > > returned after the Falklands adventure, it will be necessary for you to
> > > make your own way to the combat zone.
> > >
> > >
> > > H.M. Government have been able to negotiate a 20% discount on one way
> > > trips
> > > with Virgin Airlines and you are strongly urged to take advantage of this
> > > offer (Ryan Air also do a nice little £9.99 trip). Because of cutbacks in
> > > Government expenditure in recent years it will be necessary for you to
> > > provide yourself with the following equipment as soon as possible:
> > >
> > >
> > > * Combat Jacket
> > > * Trousers(preferably khaki - but please no denim)
> > > * Tin helmet
> > > * Boots (or a pair of sturdy trainers)
> > > * Gas mask
> > > * Map of the combat zone (the Ordinance Survey 1:2800 Outdoor Leisure
> > > Map
> > > of Iraq will do)
> > > * Rifle
> > > * Ammunition (preferably to suit previous item)
> > > * Suntan oil
> > >
> > >
> > > If you are in a position to afford it, we would like you to buy a tank
> > > (Vickers Defence of Banbury are currently offering all new conscripts a 0%
> > > finance deal on all X registration Chieftains, but hurry, as offer is only
> > > available whilst stocks last).
> > >
> > >
> > > We would like to reassure you that in the unlikely event of anything going
> > > wrong, you will receive a free burial in the graveyard of your choice,and
> > > your next of kin will be entitled to the new War Widows pension of £1.75
> > > per calendar month, index-linked but subject to means testing, and fully
> > > repayable should our side eventually lose.
> > >
> > >
> > > There may be little time for formal military training before your
> > > departure
> > > and so we advise that you hire videos of the following films and try and
> > > pick up a few tips as you watch:
> > >
> > >
> > > * The Guns of Navarone
> > > * Kelly's Heroes
> > > * A Bridge to Far
> > > * The Longest Day
> > > * Apocalypse Now
> > > * The Matrix
> > > * Blazing Saddles
> > > * The Desert Song
> > > * Mary Poppins
> > >
> > >
> > > We do not recommend that you watch Khartoum.
> > >
> > >
> > > To mentally prepare yourself for your mission try reading the works of
> > > Wilfred Owen or Rupert Brookes. This should give you some idea of what may
> > > be involved.
> > >
> > >
> > > Yours faithfully,
> > >
> > >
> > > G. Hoon, Ministry of Defence.
> > >
> > >
> > > A Bush-Blair Production
> > > Sponsored by Mars, The Official snack of World War III
Gruß
Bibo1 ;)